ParaCalendar for Aug 29

[Mark Thibodeau]

According to the Roman Catholic Church, it was on this day in the year *29
AD* that *John the Baptist*'s head was chopped off by agents of *Herod*, as
per a request by *Salome*. It was probably all for the best, though.
Anybody who spouts shit like: "Whoever has two coats must share with anyone
who has none; and whoever has food must do likewise (Matthew 3:11-12)" is a
rotten communistic sonofabitch who deserves whatever bad luck comes his way.

***

On this day in *1533*, 300 years of Inca civilization in the Andes
mountains of Peru comes to a sudden end when*Atahuallpa*, 13th and final
Inca emperor, is strangulated by conquistadors under the command of Spanish
invader*Francisco Pizarro*. Almost immediately after their emperor's
murder, the entire Inca population - 12 million people who had previously
enjoyed an impressive network of roads, indoor plumbing, an elaborate
government, and a brilliant agricultural system - drift into the jungle and
essentially vanish from the face of the Earth.

***

On this day in *1758*, the first American Indian Reservation is
established, at Indian Mills, New Jersey.

***

In the chaotic, post-revolutionary period that followed America's War of
Independence and preceded the establishment of the *Constitutional Congress*,
former revolutionary army captain *Daniel Shays* led a months-long
rebellion of farmers, debtors, and common working people against the
arrogance, entitlement, corruption, graft and rampant mismanagement in
which the nation's moneyed elites were engaged at the time. Things started
really heating up in earnest on this day in *1786*, when Shays and hundreds
of his followers - sprigs of hemlock stuck in their hats - stormed and
occupied a Northampton, Mass. courthouse to prevent the imprisonment of
farmers who had defaulted on their debts. His occasionally violent actions
helped speed up the process that led to the creation and implementation of
America's *Constitution*.
***

On this day in *1831*, scientist *Michael Faraday* discovers
electromagnetic induction. He later invents the Faraday cage to hide in...
you know... when the lightning storms get too scary.

***

On this day in *1885*, engineer *Gottlieb Daimler* patents the world's
first internal combustion motorcycle, called the*Reitwagen*. Thirteen years
later on this day in *1898*, the *Goodyear* tire company is founded, making
riding on motorcycles a lot easier. Those wooden tires offered the very
roughest of rides, let me tell you.

***

On this day in *1949*, the USSR successfully test their first atomic bomb,
and the *Cold War* begins in earnest. Two positives emerge from this
massive negative, however: Tang powdered orange drink and the lyrics
to *Emerson,
Lake and Powell*'s most excellent *Touch and Go*. Remember that tune? "All
systems go / Friend or foe? / It all depends on the dice you throw / Comes
without a warning, like a UFO / When you're running with the Devil it's
touch and go." Kick ass tune, maaan.

***

On this day in *1966*, Brit rock combo *The Beatles* perform their last
concert before paying fans at Candlestick Park in San Francisco.

***

On this day in *2005*, Hurricane Katrina devastates much of the U.S. Gulf
Coast from Louisiana to the Florida Panhandle, killing more than 1,836 and
causing over $80 billion in damage. Both those estimates are totally
low-balling it, too.

***

On this day in *2007*, six US cruise missiles armed with nuclear warheads
are flown without proper authorization from Minot Air Force Base to
Barksdale Air Force Base.
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