PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR SEPTEMBER 9

[Mark Thibodeau]

The stupidification of the American TV-watcher began on this day in *1950*,
when *The Hank McClune Show* became the first TV show ever to use an
artificial "laugh-track" to inform viewers of the presence of comedy.

***

On this day in *1956*, *Elvis "the pelvis" Presley* made his first
nationwide TV appearance on the *Ed Sullivan Show*, where he kicked up a
helluva fuss, just a-screechin' and a-swingin' his hips around like he was
a big ol' crazy gurl or sumthin. I swear it put me off muh FOOD! Didja see
it? A real travesty. Thank JehovaH that rock-and-roll racket was just a
passing fad.

***

*1971*, *John Lennon*'s album *Imagine* goes on sale. Meanwhile, one
thousand National Guardsmen, State Troopers and local police storm New York
State's Attica Prison after a breakdown in negotiations between officials
and the prisoners who took 32 guards as hostages. *Governor Rockefeller* orders
an all-out attack, resulting in the deaths of 32 inmates and 9 of their
hostages.

***

On this day in *1999*, a Seattle transsexual climbed atop an electrical
tower beside a freeway bridge during rush hour and gave commuters a show
they won't ever forget. Wearing nothing but a pair of short pants, *Ara
Tripp* danced, wagged her tits around, and spit vodka-fueled flames in the
air. In an effort to keep this freak from frying, cops cut off power to the
tower, blacking out 5000 homes for almost an hour. After her arrest for
indecent exposure and trespassing, Tripp admitted to cops that he/she/it
pulled the stunt because he/she/it wanted to get on the talk show circuit.
By that measure, he/she/it failed miserably... but still, you have to
admire his/her/its showmanship!
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