Confessio Salmo/ mea culpa

[MASCARO at humnet.ucla.edu]

I John Mascaro hereby
 (1) publically accept all the sincere parts of Steely's apology;
 (2) apologize for the insults I hurled at him, especially *jackanapes* which I further 
confess I had no idea had any racial overtones at all, so I am also asking for some 
clarification on this;
(3) aver that never once did I mean to criticize his or any other child, loving the little 
critters all as I do, and
(4) wonder what lesson I can learn from all of this (besides to never, ever imply that the 
Great Orson is anything less than the consomme, er, consummate, film maker of our 
time)

john m

Steely beats his breast:
>
>I, Steelhead, do swear on this battered copy of the Complete Poems of
>Richard Hugo, that, to the best of my recollection, and notwithstanding any
>defects of mind or body, of which there may be many, both superficial and
>subterranean, the following statements are true, as far as I might, at this
>time, know them to be:
>
>I *never* attributed *any* of the following characteristics to one John
>Mascaro, lecturer in writing, University of California, City of Angels:
>
>1. That he is, was, or will ever be a professor of English.
>2. That he is, was, or will ever be in an English Department.
>3. That he is, was, or will ever be a professor.
>4. That he ever committed mopery with the known literary criminal Harold Bloom.
>5. That he was *not* a member of a union.
>6. That he *was* a member of the MLA.
>7. That he ever enjoyed the hard-earned luxury of a sabbatical.
>
>To the above captioned charges, I plead: 100 percent not guilty!
>
>I do, however, confess, under a crushing burden of guilt, to having made
>the following mindless, emotional, and, yes, even childishly sadistic
>assertions:
>
>A. That Lecturer Mascaro's denunciation of a film by Orson (the Kenosha
>Kid) Welles entitled Citizen Kane was "a moronic" opinion. John took this
>more harshly than it was intended and I now regret and retract the crude
>aside. The opinion of the learned man was not "moronic," since moronic
>implies a kind of genetic defect for which there is little remedy except
>patience, comfort and benign solicitude. Obviously, Mascaro's opinion on
>the film was simply a matter of him being grossly misinformed, which
>implies that in the hands of a sensitive instructor (which I readily admit
>I am not) Mascaro is educable on the subject. My original word choice was
>unfortunate, misleading, and perhaps even defamatory. I apologize.
>
>B. That Lecturer Mascaro's assertion that "It's all a dead zone" made him
>philosophically unfit to teach my children--or any others that may enter
>college with a zestful, vibrant and utopian spirit. How do I explain
>myself? Only by saying that I reacted instinctually to his unremittingly
>bleak view of the world. When the troubadours of postmodernism hit that
>phenomenological fork in the road (one leading to Heidigger and back to
>Nietzsche; the other to Jameson, Gramsci and Adorno) some went left; many
>others forked right. Perhaps, I mistakenly assumed that Mascaro's fatalism
>was a sign that he had ventured far down the Heidigger Autobahn. Again this
>is a terrible thing to say about someone, given the cruel overtones of
>Martin H.'s work. I am contrite and apologetic. It will be noted, however,
>that Mascaro did not defend his hip brand of pop nihilism, but, instead,
>choose to attack my children as insufferable Creatures warped by their
>insane Master, and then, like Pointsman before him, he grouped the innocent
>offspring with other unfortunate urchins of parental neglect, constraint
>and abuse, whom he has had the difficult assignment of instructing in the
>past, into a classification of behavoiral abnormality, if you will, a
>deformed "psychological type." To be sure, however, this does nothing to
>obviate my own guilt, of which I am quite rightfully ashamed.
>
>C. That Lecturer Mascaro, if ever elevated to the level of High Chancellor
>at University, might require students (and their parents) to submit DNA
>samples, detailed profiles of their breastfeeding and toilet training
>habits, and undertake extensive standardized psychological testing (such as
>the MMPI) as a prerequisite to admission. This was cheap and gratuitous
>sniping, an accusation made without any foundation in fact or suspicion,
>and really quite churlish of me.
>
>D. That I did call Lecturer Mascaro "a bedizened Pynchon scholar." This was
>a low blow and based on the evidence at hand probably far from the truth. I
>have searched my lastest series of posts and can find no other personal
>insult against the complaintant. If I have overlooked an unprovoked
>transgression, I sincerely offer my regrets. I would, however, like to
>voice one objection. While I am not one to censor any kind of speech, I do
>find it curious that in his latest post the quite reasonably distraught
>Mascaro hurled at me the racist opprobrium "Jackanape." This being the coup
>de grace in a long line of personal invective (including: shit, fascist,
>totalitarian, ass, insane, and liar.) Instead of being counselled to
>moderate his language, Mascaro has received the encomiums of the
>self-appointed guardians of civility and PC discourse. I guess Wayne Booth
>would see the irony in this, even if I do not.
>
>Signed on this the 65 day before the publication of Mason & Dixon:
>
>Steelhead