More "thoughtcrime"

[Ted Samsel]

A rebuttal from gawd-knows-where....
(Florence King would be a damn sight meaner..)
> 
> You might be a Yankee if....
> 
> 1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
> 2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
> 3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
> 4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.
> 5) You don't know what a moon pie is.
> 6) You've never had grain alcohol.
> 7) You've never, ever, eaten Okra.
> 8) You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
> 9) You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on
> road trips.
> 10) You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
> 11) You don't have bangs.
> 12) You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
> 13) More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same
> prep school in Connecticut.
> 14) You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his
> own TV fishing show.
> 15) Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you
> guys," even if both of them are women.
> 16) You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.
> 17) You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.
> 18) You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
> university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
> 19) You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
> 20) The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on
> an onramp on the highway.
> 21) You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
> 22) The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman
> Marcus.
> 23) You call binoculars opera glasses.
> 24) You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the
> road and stopping.
> 25) You would never wear pink or an applique sweatshirt.
> 26) You don't know what applique is.
> 27)  Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within
> the context of a football game.
> 28) You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e. Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Kay
>  Bob, Bob Bob).
> 29) You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.
> 30) You've never been to a craft show.
> 31) You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
> 32) You can't do your laundry without quarters.
> 33) None of your fur coats are homemade.
> 34)  You think smoking is bad for your health.
> 35)  You don't talk to the strangers at adjoining tables at restaurants.
> 36)  You really think the terms "sugar", "sweetie", and "honey" are sexist.
> 37)  You think gun racks should be "options" rather than "standard".
> 38)  You think the term "Ma'am refers only to older females.
> 39)  You think the notion of "manners" is quaint.
> 40)  You think a party is a failure if people get drunk and break things.
> 41)  You think that "dutch treat" is a good idea.
> 42)  Everyone you know finished high school.
> 43)  You think "the law" is objective.
> 44)  You think that work is more important than fun.
> 
tejas at infi.net
           "Eat some blackeyed peas and fried banana,
            smoke me a seegar from Havana,
            I'll be the King of Louisiana"   
                             (It's gonna be) PAYDAY  Porter Wagoner