Virus Season

[Greg Montalbano]

Since it's virus time again, I thought you might be interested in what my
brother
had to say about it, the last time it went around.
~Greg~
>     
>     Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will 
>     scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will 
>     recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream 
>     goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, 
>     screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field 
>     harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
>     
>     It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix 
>     Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave its 
>     socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It 
>     will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and 
>     hide your car keys when you are late for work.
>     
>     Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you 
>     nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank 
>     and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current girlfriend 
>     behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visa 
>     card.
>     
>     It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, 
>     such is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to 
>     sully those things we hold most dear.
>     
>     It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. 
>     It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your 
>     boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is 
>     dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting 
>     shade of mauve.
>     
>     Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet 
>     seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and 
>     then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase 
>     gradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
>     
>     Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist. 
>     It cannot do anything to you. But I can. I am sending this message to 
>     everyone in the world. Tell your friends, tell your family. If anyone 
>     else sends me another E-mail about this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will 
>     turn hating them into a religion. I will do things to them that would 
>     make a horsehead in your bed look like Easter Sunday brunch.
>
>
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"...hot & clikkin & countin thay gygers & thay menne cools uv stoan.
 Smauler & smauler thay groan with Eusa in tu the hart uv the stoan
 hart uv the dans.  Evere thing blippin & bleapin & movin in the 
 shiftin uv thay Nos.  Sum tyms bitin sum tyms bit."

                   ---RIDDLEY WALKER