Flaming chain letter

chestnic chestnic at cvn.net
Thu Jul 10 18:04:23 CDT 1997


This letter has been sent to you to stop you from sending out chain
letters. The original was written in the 3rd century A.D. by a deranged
member of the Most Holy Post. That version vanished during the Spanish
Inquisition (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition !!!!!!!!!). More
recently, it was communicated telepathically to Shirley MacLaine by
monks on the planet Mongo in the eighth dimension. Now it has been sent
to you. Good things will soon be happening to you if you follow the
instructions given in this letter.
This is no joke! If you do what this letter says to do, every person who
owes you money will repay you. The IRS will never audit you again. Hugh
Hefner will invite you to house-sit at the playboy mansion while he and
the missus go on a six month vacation. Finally, you will be spotted by a
head hunter and whisked off into the fast paced life of an insurance
salesman in Kansas.
To get all of this good fortune, you must keep this letter for the next
five years. If at any time during that time you receive a chain letter,
don't send out any copies of it. Instead, you must send this anti-chain
letter back to the person who sent you the chain letter (If you don't
know who sent it, send a copy of this letter to a random person). At the
end of five years, do the following 'de-briefing' ceremony, and you will
be done:


(1) Throw salt over your shoulder.
(2) Throw salt over Zha Zha Gabor's shoulder.
(3) Throw Zha Zha over your shoulder.
(4) Walk under a ladder.
(5) Do the rhumba under a ladder.
(6) Pray the rosary.
(7) Pray the zippity-doo-dah, zippity-ay.
(8) Drink Vitameatavegimin (3 tablespoons at a time)
(9) Mix 2 frogs, 3 locks of Michael Jackson's hair, 2 turtledoves, and
the remains of this letter in a cauldron and boil at 375 degrees for 2
hours and 3 minutes.
(10) Place the whole mixture in the microwave on saute for 6:53 and
place in serving bowls, then chill.
(11) Gargle, then spit.DO NOT IGNORE THIS LETTER. If you do, nuclear war
is a definite possibility. You will develop psoriasis,(you don't know
the meaning of heartbreak... gout, hemmhoroids, herpes, and/or a common
cold. Some day you will definitely die if you ignore this letter!!!!!
Furthermore, your next-door neighbor will start a manure farm in his
backyard and begin playing the bagpipe (late at night usually). You may
even be forced to spend an evening with an accountant and an insurance
salesman discussing their work. All your email postings concerning
famous authors you like will be made into some squirrels greatest 15
minutes of self generated fame self absorbed email novel 
 A police officer from Temecula won the publisher's clearing house
sweepstakes. A girl in Chicago got the letter and continued sending out
chain letters anyway. She died a month later when a ream of paper fell
off a truck and crushed the Fahrvervgnugen out of her Volkswagen Bug.
Madonna obeyed the letter and discovered the razor. A lot of women
didn't follow the letter's instructions and became mothers of Wilt
Chamberlain's illegitimate children.
Don't send out those chain letters and see what happens. You will be
shocked to find that none of their curses come true. The person you send
this anti-chain letter to will be heartily amused, and besides, its much
easier to send out one copy of this than 5 or 20 copies of some dreary
chain letter.
Do note the following: All of the passengers of the Titanic received
this letter. When someone on the boat started a chain letter going, they
all ignored this letter and passed it along, and the result is history.
Dick Grayson carried out the letter's instructions and became Robin,
Batman's Boy Wonder. Both Mike Tyson and Robin Givens received this
letter and threw it away. Then they got married. Clarence Thomas
followed the letter's instructions. Charles Keating didn't.
In 1987, the letter was received by a young woman in California. It was
very faded and barely readable. She promised herself that she would not
send out any chain letters. A year later she forgot, and when she
received a chain letter, she faithfully typed out the ten copies of the
letter and placed them in envelopes. She developed breast cancer, and
the doctors told her she would lose both breasts. While rummaging
through her desk looking for a bottle of sleeping pills, she found this
letter. She immediately threw away all of the copies of the chain letter
she had prepared. The next day, the doctors told her they had mistaken
someone else's X-ray for hers, and that she was perfectly healthy. Now
she's a showgirl in Las Vegas.And yet another person's wife ran off with
Thomas Pynchon. 
 This is why Tyson bit the ear, Jon Bonnett parents decided not to pay
attention.You will be exiled
to  live a grim life in Cancun. Remember, send no chain letters. Do not
ignore this letter.You have been warned....



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