Farmer or satan?

[chestnic]

Farmer Or Satan?

In Barcelona, Spain, Jose Chavez, a farmer, patiently stood in line at a
hardware store. He paid the cashier and left
the store with his new purchase... a pitchfork. Suddenly, a man ran up
with
a gun, shot Chavez and killed him.
Police later discovered that the motive for the murder was that the
killer
thought the man with the pitchfork to be
the devil. Suspect Rafael Ruiz told authorities, "He was skinny and his
hair was sticking up kind of like horns."


Nailed!

In Atlanta, Georgia, a twenty-seven year-old man has been arrested for
allegedly accosting women for their toenail
clippings. The unidentified man reportedly approached unsuspecting women
on
three different occasions, holding
a pair of sharp nail clippers to their throats. He then ordered the
ladies
to remove their shoes so that he could clip
their toenails and take the trimmings. When authorities questioned the
unusual robber, he told them that he was
starting a collection of toenail clippings and putting them in a photo
album and these women should feel honored.
I wonder what he does with that toe lint.


Better Than Horseshoes

It seems the hottest new sport in Tunisia is locust-tossing, a bizarre
activity in which men hurl living insects onto a
400-foot strip of honey, and see whose bug lands farthest away. The
athletic event requires great skill, because if
the locust is not thrown exactly right, it will spread its wings and
botch
up the toss. Some participants say the best
part comes after the competition, when the honey-covered bugs are
scooped
up, cooked on a skewer, and served
sizzlin' hot! Mmm, mmm, good!


Jailbird Beauties

For the last fifteen years, inmates in women's prisons throughout Greece
have been competing in beauty pageants.
However, at a recent contest in the town of Piraeus, the tradition has
come
to an end. It seems that a pack of losing
contestants went on a rampage and held the three judges hostage for two
hours. Not having guns, the women
grabbed the judges by their necks and threatened to slit their throats
using their three-inch long fingernails.


Mad About Marilyn

In Logrono, Spain, a sports reporter obsessed with Marilyn Monroe was
fired
when he ignored his boss's orders
to stop wearing a blond wig and white dress to work. Editors warned
Manuel
Berjillos not to wear the outfit,
identical to the one Marilyn wore in the movie, Seven Year Itch, while
he
was working. The last straw came when
the thirty-one year-old man dressed in the feminine garb to cover a
championship soccer match and was seen on
national television. One viewer commented, "He has great legs but the
color
doesn't work with his hair."


Just When You Thought It Was Safe

A twenty-four year-old man in Venice, Italy, got an unexpected response
when he played a practical joke on a
group of American tourists. The man strapped a big, rubber shark fin to
his
back and went snorkeling in the
Venice canals, swimming alongside tourist-filled gondolas. When he
approached a boat carrying several
Americans, the sight-seers began to panic. When the man got close
enough,
vacationing insurance salesman Henry
Thompson grabbed an oar and began to beat the "shark" on the back. When
a
nearby resident saw the incident
from his second floor balcony, he threw several bricks at the big fish.
Police officials sped to the scene in a
motorboat and drew their weapons, preparing to fire, when the man
screamed,
"Hey, I'm a person, I'm a person!"
The prankster was hospitalized, and later arrested for being a public
nuisance.


Climbing In Style

In Zermatt, Switzerland, fashion-conscious Greta Ludland made history
last
week when she climbed the
treacherous Matterhorn wearing a cocktail dress and high heels. It took
the
Swiss adventuress and her four-man
party three days to scale the 14,780-foot mountain, but she was
determined
to prove that a woman can perform
rugged, physically demanding feats and still look like a lady. Greta
suffered frost bite and dehydration, but has
since recovered with no lasting ill effects.


Big Trouble

Sixty-seven year-old Joe Briner was working on his '74 Chevy Nova, when
he
happened to look up and notice an
elephant walking around his front yard. The 4,500 giant, named Irene,
had
escaped from the Great American
Circus in Manatee County, Florida, crossed a creek and wandered into the
Winterset Trailer Park, where Joe lives.
Joe quickly picked up the phone and dialed 9-1-1. He had to call back
twice
though, because the operator kept
hanging up on him when he told her he had an elephant in his yard.
Briner
told the operator, "Look, I'm serious!


Here, Watch These

A clever gang of supermarket thieves distract their victims by using
female
partners who run through the aisles
bare-breasted. Typically, two women walk to the back of the store and
remove their tops. As customers and
employees race back to see what's causing the commotion, four armed
bandits
enter and rob the cashiers at
gunpoint. As soon as they've got the loot, they run out through the
front,
the women put their tops on and leave
through the back, and everyone in the store is left totally confused. On
one of their daily rampages, the crime team
got away with more than $5,000. One store is making up the difference
though, by selling and renting copies of
its video surveillance tape!


Murdered... For Nose-Picking

In Auckland, New Zealand, a customer shot and killed a waiter who picked
his nose and stuck his finger in the
customer's soup! Police say the nose-picking incident occurred after
customer Rolf McTell sent his navy bean
soup back to the kitchen three times, claiming it was lukewarm.
Unpleasant
words were exchanged between
McTell and waiter Lon Stayne, which reportedly provoked Stayne's nasty
action and his subsequent murder.