Coca-cola Quantum Baby Boom

[dennis grace]

Greetings, all,

What began as a question about the titillative qualities of cherry coke has,
at least reckoning, degenerated to:

>>Well, I recall a spirited jr. high conversation that cocacola used as a
>>post-coital douche would kill sperm.  Don't recall if cherry flavoring had
>>any advantage.  So many uses, so little education...
>
>I've heard this, too.  Also, somewhere along the line, I heard that using
>coke in this fashion (without the cherry since that would require visiting a
>soda shop, while the plain stuff could be purchased anytime from a machine
>down near the drugstore or the local gas station) was not only a common
>practice, but also led to a jump in the birthrate!  Apparently, the
>application of CC only forced the sperm to retreat deeeper and more quickly
>into the nether regions and their destiny...

Not only does the Coca-cola cause the sperm cells to retreat, the
combination of caffeine and the release of CO2 from solution hyper
accelerates the sperm.  A-and the hyper acceleration of the sperm causes
them to jump from their normal, diffuse S-shell configuration to the more
concentrated, lobulate P-shell configuration; whereby the danger of
dis-semination along the x-axis rises exponentially, causing the
impregnation of innocent women in the vicinity. Thus we see:  the Baby Boom
eventuated not, as has so frequently been postulated, as a result of the GI
Bill funding returning post-belletristic coitus but more as the consequence
of urban legend, quantum mechanics, and caffeinated carbonation.


Dennis Grace
University of Texas at Austin
English Department
Assistant Instructor
Recovering Medievalist

"But to return to madness."  --Jonathan Swift's Grub-Street Hack, _A Tale of
a Tub_