getting into your meanings, firmly, from behind

[Mittelwerk at aol.com]

hey, I slept with a self-mytholgizer, once:

(pause)

she didn't know if she was coming or going.  

(audience erupts into side-splitting laughter).

but, seriously, folks, you know how you can tell a Nazi from a Jew--even
though their facial expressions are identical contorted grimaces?

(silence; someone in the back shouts, HOW?)

one is killing the other.

(audience is beside itself with delight)

but, honestly, there are those among us--those quiet, circumspect types in
the back stroking their good consciences, c'mon, you know who you are--who
don't think that they're self-mytholgizers.  (Audience gasps with stunned
outrage.)  You see, most of them consider themselves to be writers, and so
you would think that they would be thoroughly at ease in the Land Of
Metaphor; but NOOOO!  No way!  In fact, they're a lot more like . . .
Scientists!  (Audience chuckles from in the know.)  They're terrified at the
propostion of giving up their priviliged referential standpoint for just a
second!  Talk about separation anxiety, but Jeez . . . . (sustained applause)
 And you want to talk about a literary commodity fetish?  Oh, brother, could
I tell you stories about a literary commodity fetish!  (Relaxed laughter,
sounds of drinks being ordered.)  And beneath it all . . . beneath it all, I
tell you, there's another metaphor, a strain of unconsious Resentment
directed at the language itself, at not being able to sufficiently utilize
all the freedoms that language offers.  And if I wanted to go this far--and
you are such a lovely audience (audience chuckles in gratitude)--I could say
that this overwhelming dependence on the normative constraints of self and
discourse is the very essence of mythology in a rationalistic guise--but hey,
how much you think you're going to get for a lousy $15 dollars a month,
unlimited?  Jeez, I tell ya' (audience falling out of their seats, such is
the force of their guffaws).

I say:  live it up a bit.  Sometimes a silicon love doll with oral option is
just a silicon love doll with oral option.  Am I right?  I love ya', yer
beautiful!  Mwooh, mwooh!
(sustained thundering applause).