it was your colon that first caught my eye

[Mittelwerk at aol.com]

look, it's been heavily documented that even a savage hates a dimpled ass.
 Most savages prefer chiseled cheekbones and pert, east-west titties, as
well.  this is anthropological common knowledge.

Materialistically, one can find no reason for the evolutionary permanence of
a dimpled ass--at least, outside of a Gender Studies department.  In the old
days, when everything was symbolic, you would have been in big trouble if
you'd had a dimpled ass.  You see, Nature is actually pretty functional:  it
keeps a special place in it's heart for speed, resilience, and symmetry,
because they get the job done.  You hardly can be sure of a guarantee in
those areas when you're dealing with a dimpled ass.

And later on, Culture seconded this emotion--noticing (even when it did not
notice other things, like the injustice of ALIENATED LABOR) that nowhere
among the glories of Nature did you find anything resembling a dimpled ass.
 It, for a time, made repeated injunctions that it did not, at any moment,
want to set its tasteful eyeball upon anything which even remotely brought to
mind even the recollection of a half-remembered dimpled ass.  But as we all
know, Culture grew inreasingly self-obsessed and slovenly as the years
passed, drunk with itself, if you will, and stopped minding a dimpled ass so
much, if nothing firmer was available.

And when one dimpled ass was allowed into the show, well. . . . before long,
the dimpled asses began to question the veracity of Culture, wondering why so
few dimpled asses were represented in olden days.  Not getting a sufficient
answer in that regard, they began to cast an empowered eye in the direction
of Nature itself, which, being a She, might be more apt to tolerate their
impudence.  

And so it came to be, that Nature, who had once tried desperately and in vain
to rid itself of the debit of the dimpled ass, had no choice, but by
contractual obligation of sorts was forced to press the great mottled
assemblage of dimpled asses to her now distended, pathic bosom.