The Silent Majority

[FrodeauxB at aol.com]

Subj:    Embryos, Stem Cells Vote Bush in Record Numbers
Date:   8/12/01 11:14:38 PM Central Daylight Time
From:   fff at futurefeedforward.com (futurefeedforward)
To: frodeauxb at aol.com



December 12, 2042

Embryos, Stem Cells Vote Bush in Record Numbers

WASHINGTON DC--In only the second national election since implementation of 
new voting rules under the Unborn Voting Rights Act, heavy Republican voting 
among embryos and active embryonic stem cell lines may have determined the 
outcome of a presidential election.  A special committee formed by the 
Federal Election Commission to analyze voting in President-elect Bush's 
November victory reported Wednesday that embryos and open-source stem cell 
lines cast nearly 27% of votes in the presidential race.  "Our analysis 
indicates a much greater than expected turn-out among newly-enfranchised 
single-cell and single-neuron voters," noted committee chairman Arnold Pusse. 
 "This is a watershed moment in the evolution of the American electorate."

    Discussing the specialized polling equipment designed to predict voting 
preferences of single neurons and small-cluster embryos, the committee noted 
that the equipment functioned well within error margins and offered few use 
or implementation problems at local polling stations.  "We were really 
pleased with the ease-of-deployment of the Microsoft solution," explains 
Florida Director of Elections Maryanne Freebie.  "Handheld devices enabled 
scanning of petri-dishes and test-tubes for headcount and DNA-signed 
voter-roll checks, while simple, self-positioning filament leads allowed us 
to link voting cells to the full NT-hosted vote-extracting models."

    Though praising the Commission's rapid deployment of standards-based 
technical solutions to fulfill its obligations under a new and untested law, 
the committee acknowledged a number of formal, public complaints about the 
computer models behind the vote-extraction technology.  "By choosing a 
private-sector vendor like Microsoft, the Commission effectively shielded key 
parts of the technology from public view," notes VOTE! executive director 
Elaine Just.  "The computer model is doing a lot of the work, hypothesizing 
the full mental process involved in voting, sometimes on the basis of a 
single neuron.  We need to know that that model is non-partisan."

    The committee's conclusion that nearly 89% of single-cell and 
single-neuron voters supported Ms. Bush has fed speculation that Democrats 
will mount a legal challenge to the Act and the Commission's rules.  Though 
not ruling out the possibility of litigation, Terrence Limp, speaking on 
behalf of the DNC, dismissed rumors of court action as "premature."  "We 
understand that there may be ideological reasons that embryos tend to vote 
Republican.  We certainly aren't interested in disenfranchising anyone 
because of how they vote.  But it's important that we get the technology 
right."

    Reviewing its findings on embryo voting in the context of declining 
non-embryonic turn-out, the committee projected dramatically declining 
average-brain-cell-per-voter counts over the next three election-cycles.  "As 
average voter-neuron counts decrease, we anticipate a greater and greater 
ideological skew.  Single-cell organisms appear to vote Republican in 
overwhelming numbers."

    Responding to recent charges of embryo voting irregularities, the 
committee concluded that rumors of concerted efforts among Republicans to 
"get out" the embryo vote by growing and registering thousands of embryonic 
clusters in the weeks leading up to the election are "unfounded and 
unsupported by any available evidence."

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TTFN

frodeauxb