responding to Big Bird: Re: pynchon-l-digest V2 #2237

[Doug Millison]

Big Bird:
>As I have stated before, my real name is Allen
>Buell Ruch, and I am hardly hiding behind a pseudonym or an anonymous
>account. In fact, I am documented online as a real personality just
>as much as you are, Doug. If you are interested, I can privately post
>you several URLs to various bits of biographical information about
>me, and so on.

And my real name is Douglas Allen Millison.  I was named for my maternal
grandfather, a great old guy who unfortunately lost a leg in an oilfield
accident back in the late '30s -- he was on the drilling crew of the first
oil rig in western Colorado. Richard Douglas Allen.  I spent summers with
him and Grandma Allen when I was a kid, in Oklahoma.

Funny story:  the day I reported in to get drafted, back in '72, after the
swearing-in ceremony they took us down to Fort Ord, lined us up and called
roll when we got out of the bus.  "DOUGLAS ALLEN MILLISON," the drill
sergeant yelled.
"Yo!"
"With a name like that you should be President of the United States.  What
the hell are you doing here?"
"You tell me."

It was funny -- a lot of people laughed, it wasn't until a few moments
later that day that they started in with the hardcore drill sergeant
routine --  but I guess you had to be there.

Actually, to be brutally frank, I don't give a damn who you are and, based
on what you've had to say to me in this forum I wouldn't walk across the
street to find out any more about you than I already know.  What little
you've actually had to say about Pynchon I've found trite when it's not too
vague to characterize (but if you'd care to post more about Pynchon and his
books, I'm willing to reconsider).  I must admit I was quite impressed to
hear that you had a date with somebody who claims to have been to a funeral
with Thomas Pynchon. The rest of your bluster I could easily live without.
While we're dropping names, did I tell you that I dated "Nancy" from "Eight
is Enough" -- I mean Diane Kay, who went on to play that role on TV -- when
we were in high school together? Impressive, isn't it.  And she's not the
only famous person I know.  Linda Carter -- she played Wonder Woman -- was
a high school classmate, too.  And the guy who played Hoss on Bonanza was
the uncle of a friend of mine.  Isn't that cool?  One of the Trent twins, I
always forget if it's Jeff or John, went on to become a bestselling author
of Christian books after high school. And I know two people who have had
direct fax communications with Thomas Pynchon, through his wife and
literary agent.  Impressed?

Big Bird:
>Oh! A-and why not "Quailpack?" Oh, for a band of tiny gallinaceous
>birds, valiantly pecking away at Doug....

Simple answer:  you don't lead a pack, you follow a leader.
But it's a bit creepy thinking you might be getting off on that little
horror-show fantasy.

Big Bird:
>So you *do* question my reality, huh?

Your insults and pompous bs are real enough.

Big Bird:
>Oh, and you actually *do* owe Robert an apology,

When hell freezes over.

Big Bird:
 >I would like either an
>explanation or an apology.

See above.

Big Bird:
>By creating
>a single label for all your vocal online opponents, you create a
>monolithic bloc which does not really exist, which allows you to make
>such assumptions which a bit of research would prove wrong.

I hear what you say about you guys not forming a "monolithic" group --
although I might quibble with your word choice there -- and I'll grant you
each your distinctive ways of being obnoxious. At the same time it's
obvious that you have  consistently come to jaybore's defense along with
the rest of the dogpack.  One of your earliest posts to Pynchon-L was in
that line, if I recall correctly (and please correct me if I'm wrong -- but
it only counts if you can provide actual proof) you came in huffing and
puffing about free speech and the Internet, echoing jaybore's rants along
those lines,  with the crowd that was then calling me a list nanny/list
nazi for daring to suggest that Pynchon-L might do better as a moderated
discussion forum (a position I still hold, by the way).

A monolith you guys may not make but it doesn't take any special effort to
notice that the insults fly in from you, jaybore, "Morris", Mackin, Malign,
& funnyfakename auxiliaries, all making the same braindead points.  Page
back through the past few weeks and it's as obvious as the point on fq's
pinhead, or maybe I should now shift the metaphor to blockhead. I'm not
saying you're all the same person, but jeez you'd think you could each come
up with something new or different now and again.

Big Bird:
>I spout venomous obscenity, right?

Yes, and when you do, you sound just like slothrop666 -- more "evidence"
for all the P-list private dicks out there  to chew on.  (Still waiting for
that proof jaybore and "Morris" have been working on -- what Terrance has
been fantasizing about delivering in person, I suppose.)  Not that I'm
accusing you of being slothrop666, although it would be easy enough to
accuse you of just about anything -- look at pore ole jaybore and Terrance,
accusing me of just about everything and everybody but being the devil
himself ! They must feel terribly threatened to fantasize about me that
way.  Given jaybore's regurgitation of McCarthy's tactics for exposing
America's enemies, it's even beginning to look as if the poor creature may
be developing a phobia or something -- you know,  the way upstanding
Americans used to be afraid of finding a Communist under the bed, or in the
P.T.A.  Now that I think about it  maybe you wouldn't know, Reagan-baby
that you seem to be -- maybe your Dad could tell you something about it.
Or you could read what Pynchon has to say about that kind of blame game and
how it can wreck a person's life, in Vineland.

Big Bird:
>Just to state the obvious, it's not all that difficult to sling
>obscenities and sound like Slothrop666! I mean, really. Any one of us
>could do it

As I've pointed out several times, thanks;it's reassuring to know that you
realize this elemental fact about P-list discourse. slothrop666 could
indeed be any of your foul-mouthed crew, and since none of you can know for
sure who slothrop666 is, perhaps your buddies would consider backing away
from the hypocritical allegations.  And apologize!

Big Bird:
>And by the way, I may have cursed at you, but I am *not* obscene.

I wouldn't have enough information about your personal habits to evalute
the truth value of this statement, but I guess I'll take your word for it.
Although, you might consider getting rid of that nickname. I suppose you
chose it for yourself?

>Jbor writes,
>
>>As far as your "supporters" - Kurt-Werner, "jbframe", "toby levy", "richard
>>fiero", "barbara100", tiarnan -

And it's obvious jaybore didn't know what he was talking about when he said
I am those people -- sputtered and fizzled like the rest of jaybore's
insane accusations over  the past couple of years. (Although it looks as if
Terrance is still holding on to the notion that I'm somehow impersonating
them all, and that really is sad. ) I still have to laugh when I think
about jaybore trying to convince everybody  -- the P-list owner, prominent
people in the Pynchon scholar community, etc. -- that Charles Hollander and
I were hacking into jaybore's PC and the P-list archives!  Makes me chuckle
every time I think about it.

Big Bird:
>Well, Scoop

That one only works when Malign uses it.  Can't you even write your own
material?

-Doug

P.S. from another post:
jaybore: "Don't be deceived: "anonymous emailers" is
Doug's bugaboo, not mine."

Not my bugaboo at all.  I carry on P-list conversations with many people
who choose to remain anonymous.  I don't have any more idea who Barbara
might be than you have, Big Bird, and I like talking with her just fine.
And, anonymous or not, I can give as good as I get when you and the rest of
the dogpack start flinging mud.

P.P.S.

Big Bird: just like Doug when he tells me to go "jerk
off,"

Actually, I was just trying to suggest something that might relieve your
frustration and make you feel good.  I never realized you might take it as
an insult. Or, is masturbation a hot-button topic with you?