NP?

[Doug Millison]

CEOs make a break for Mexican border

El Paso, Texas (SatireWire.com) - Unwilling to wait
for their eventual indictments, the 10,000 remaining
CEOs of public U.S. companies made a  break for it
yesterday, heading for the Mexican border, plundering
towns and villages along the way, and writing the
entire rampage off as a marketing expense.

Calling themselves the CEOnistas, the chief executives
were first spotted last night along the Rio Grande
River near Quemado, where they bought each of the
town's 320 residents by borrowing against pension fund
gains. By late this morning, the CEOnistas had
arbitrarily inflated Quemado's population to 960. 

Law enforcement officials and disgruntled shareholders
riding posse were noticeably frustrated. "First of
all, they're very hard to find because they always
stand behind their numbers, and the numbers keep
shifting," said posse spokesman Dean Levitt. "And
every time we yell 'Stop in the name of the
shareholders!' they refer us to investor relations.
I've been on the phone all damn morning."

So far, about 50 chief executives have been captured,
including Martha Stewart, who was detained south of El
Paso where she had cut through a barbed-wire fence at
the Zaragosa border crossing off Highway 375.

"She would have gotten away, but she was stopping
motorists to ask for marzipan and food coloring so she
could make edible snowman place settings, using the
cut pieces of wire for the arms," said Border Patrol
officer Jennette Cushing. "We put her in cell No. 7,
because the morning sun really adds texture to the
stucco walls."

as reprinted in:
S O J O M A I L
07-August-2002
http://www.sojo.net





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