Minstral Island, Scene 1 pt 2

[Pirate Prentice]

sorry for the delay, guys--
roger
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(the next five lines are grouped together to be spoken simultaneously)
HERO: Mess? We were perfectly happy till you—
JAZZMAN: Blow tape puncher?  I can't make that—
UNCLE CHAUNCEY: Who do you think you are, coming in here—
WHORE: What the hell am I gonna—
BOMBER: What you need is maybe 50 lb of nitro—

BROAD: (raising hand) Quiet.  Our preliminary reports indicated that
you might not
immediately accept the responsibilities and the glory of being
full-fledged useful
members of society.  I can understand this.  But the main computer at
Poughkeepsie has decided this island is the ideal location for a
computer, the Musical Unidirectional Force Field Equipped Tabulator
("Who?" from minstrels).  Abbreviated MUFFET.
GAMBLER: You're bringing one of those things here?
HERO: (bitterly) To compose music.
BROAD: (brightly) Of course, MUFFET is the latest development of our
ever-expanding
engineering skill.
UNCLE CHAUNCEY: Ahhhrrrgh.
BROAD: (shakes head) You poor, backward creatures.  If you only
realized how much
you need the benefits our civilization will bring you.
GAMBLER: Like a third nostril, is what we need it like.
BROAD: You will be happy (passionately).  So.  This abandoned motor
pool will be
demolished.
HERO: A café it is, is a café, is what it is.
BROAD: And replaced with something clean, cafeteria probably, long benches and
common eating area instead of these small, grubby tables.  And those
objects back there.
HERO: A Ferris wheel.  A roller coaster.  Just for people to have fun
on.  Good god,
didn't you ever have fun?  Once?  Any time in your life?  What kind of
a woman—(breaks off, tone becomes gentler as he scrutinizes her) are
you, anyway.  If you are a woman.
BROAD: (with no satiric intent) Of course I am (defiantly whips out ID
again).  See.
Right here.  (Hero, rather ungraciously, starts laughing.  Cannot
stop.  Others join in.  She is miffed.  In a fit of pique, grabs a
wine bottle and hurls it at Hero who is not so far gone in hysteria
that he does not have the sense to duck.  She stands amazed at what
she has done.  He stops laughing, comes closer to her.
HERO: I'll be damned.  There may be hope for you yet.
BROAD: (Cold, trying to keep composure) Line up, all of you. 
(Hesitation.  Snaps:)
Line up, I said. (They make a ragged line.) Chicks, get pertinent date
on them.  We'll
wrap this up as quickly as possible.  (Hero is still next to her,
looking at her with intense
interest.  She is clearly uncomfortable.  Chicks hesitate.  It turns
out Uncle Chauncey is
first in line.  Big shit eating grin.) Well, you know what to do. 
Let's not waste anymore
time.
CHICK #2: (pointing, nervous, at Uncle Chauncey) Him?  I, I
don't—(meanwhile Tube
Tester is eyeing Whore.  Has been throughout scene.  In the silence
that follows, we hear)
TUBE TESTER: Hello. My name's Tube Tester.  What's yours?
WHORE: Whore.
BROAD: Oh!  (stamps foot.  Furious.  Confusted.  Straw breaking
camel's back).  Fall in. (immediately IBMers form a column, stand at
attention.)  I am not forgetting this.  I've taken more from you
people than from any other group I've ever worked with.
If—(glances at HERO nervously) If you think you can get away with
this, you will
shortly find out how mistaken you are. (again, long meaningful glance
between Hero and
Broad then) Detail.  Forward, Harch. (exit)
SAILMAKER: Forward Harch?
GAMBLER: We're in the army now.
JAZZMAN: (shakes head) Section eight, man.
SAILMAKER: Hero, what are we gonna do?
HERO: (Gazing after BROAD) I'm glad you asked me that.
BOMBER: Vendetta.  I had this beautiful inspiration yesterday. 
Watching the sunset.  A
small charge, perhaps thirty pounds of TNT, with a magnesium fuse,
activated by a—
UNCLE CHAUNCEY: You see that blond?  I think she'll—
GAMBLER: I figure we fight.
HERO: Sure, but who?  Three girls and a poor innocent guy who's
probably scared every time a tube won't fit into its socket?  Or the
machine?  What do you do?  Anybody here read a schematic?  We couldn't
even find the on-off switch.  If there is one.
BOMBER: (Happily) Bomb it?
SAIL MAKER: Build us a sailing ship?  Go away?
GAMBLER: I hear the damn thing can play poker.  I could sure
demoralize it a little.
JAZZMAN: I need a fix.
UNCLE CHAUNCEY: Write a letter to somebody?
HERO: No, no.  I think Sailmaker may be right.  I mean, hell, this is
what we've always
done.  Before this was the Sailing Valley, until they converted it
into a country club for
employees.  Before that it was Texas, on the gulf, until they built
the biggest memory
bank in the world.  Anybody got any suggestions where we can go from
here?  They've
pushed us as far as we can go. (nobody does)
SAIL MAKER: I'm scared. (Uncle Chauncey puts arm around her protectively)
WHORE: (sex bit) Offhand I'd say bomb the damn thing but (playing with
Bomber's tie
[or some appendage]) you know—all these beautiful, I mean really some of them
heartrending—but—
BOMBER: (sighs) Yeah.  I know.  Can't ever remember one that worked. 
But they are
lovely (assent)
WHORE: Hero. (then light bulb goes on) Hmmm.  There's one bit we
haven't thought of.
(eager, all of them) I mean obviously (Kirk's suggested pose) SEX.
(childish smiles light
up faces of chorus) That zombie who seems to be in charge, Hero. 
Don't think I didn't
notice.
HERO: Hey, now wait a minute.
WHORE: We need somebody to talk to her.  Somebody persuasive.  Someday
I'll have
to tell you about women. We're all the same underneath. (lewd chortle
from Uncle
Chauncey)
HERO: Yeah, sure, but
WHORE: For us? (breast bit) She smiled.  She gave you that.  Maybe a
little more.
HERO: Oh, no.  No, not me.  Gambler.  Uncle Chauncey.  Somebody.
JAZZMAN: You never goofed before man.  Jazzman? You using the needle tonight
JAZZMAN #2: Your chorus, man
GAMBLER: Yeah, Hero.  I'll give twelve to seven you make her.
UNCLE CHAUNCEY: I'll cover ten bills on that
SAILMAKER: Looks like you're elected.
HERO: Well, for us.  I doubt it'll do much good.  I don't want to
see—her—anymore
than I have to.  Better start packing anyway (looks around) I love
this place. We all do.
I'll do my best.