NP: London in 2007

[Joe Allonby]

I have some questions.

Why are London subway (Tube, Underground, whatever you call it) so fricking
small? I felt like my shoulders were going to punch through the sloped
ceiling.

In contrast, why are the taxicabs so gigantic? Truly colossal crossed with
staggeringly huge is the concept I'm trying to get across here. The taxi
drivers seem to have phd's in local geography. My companion described the
interior of a pub that she had been in once to a cabbie. He took us right
there. Impressive.

Why does all the music suck? Seriously. On this side of the pond, we hear
great British music all the time. Apparently, English people don't listen to
it. Every club, pub, and radio station seems to play either horrible house
music or the worst prepackaged pretty people pop imaginable.

What the hell is in this absinthe shit? It's great! Your hashish on the
other hand does absolutely nothing.

Royal family? Huh? Why are these people on the payroll? On the other hand it
might be a usefull way of neutralizing ambitious morons. If only George Bush
or Ronald Reagan had just been King, with no real power whatsoever, things
would be better. We could dress them up and send them to parties and stuff
and be all proud of them. Then they couldn't actually do anything. If you're
going to have a bullshit figurehead, why not go for broke? Another day,
another cavalcade of bullshit. I think I've answered my own question. It
sounds like a great idea.

Hand-pumped bitters are among the best beers in the world. Why are the young
people drinking Budweiser?

And what's with this freehouse vs proprietary pub thing? Which one is really
the politically correct establishment to frequent? Am I not supporting the
unions if I avoid the brewery-owned pubs in favor of the independent small
businessmen of the free house? I'm confused. To cover my bases, I tried to
hit them all.

You can actually buy things larger than a newspaper with coins? And get
change back?

The beer's great, but what's up with the food?

Do you know where I can get a bottle of Glenmorangie Millennium Malt?

Why can't I buy a turkey?

I'm sure that I'll have more.




On 12/21/06, Tim Strzechowski <dedalus204 at comcast.net> wrote:
>
>  I'm hoping to take the family to London for a ten-day vacation in June,
> 2007.  I want to begin planning this trip, so if any P-Listers in Mother
> England wouldn't mind a few stupid Yank questions, please contact me
> offlist.  Thanks!
>
> Tim
>
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