Pynchon & Python, pt 3

[Paul Di Filippo]

Praline
Well, the Superintendent thought it was an almond whirl. People won't 
expect there to be a frog in there. They're bound to think it's some 
sort of mock frog.
Milton
(insulted) Mock frog? We use no artificial preservatives or additives 
of any kind!
Praline
Nevertheless, I must warn you that in future you should delete the 
words 'crunchy frog', and replace them with the legend, 'crunchy raw 
unboned real dead frog' if you want to avoid prosecution.
Milton
What about our sales?
Praline
I'm not interested in your sales! I have to protect the general public! 
Now what about this one. (superintendent enters) It was number five, 
wasn't it? (superintendent nods) Number five Ram's Bladder Cup. (exit 
superintendent) What sort of confection is this?
Milton
We use choicest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish ram's bladder, emptied, 
steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue and 
garnished with lark's vomit.
Praline
Larks vomit?
Milton
Correct.
Praline
Well it don't say nothing about that here.
Milton
Oh yes it does, on the bottom of the box, after monosodium glutamate.
Praline
(looking) Wel I hardly think this is good enough. I think it's be more 
appropriate if the box bore a great red label warning lark's vomit.
Milton
Our sales would plummet!
Praline
Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionary, 
like praline or lime cream; a very popular flavor, I'm lead to 
understand. (superintendent enters) I mean look at this one 'cockroach 
cluster', (superintendent exits) anthrax ripple! What's this one: 
'spring surprise'?
Milton
Ah - now, that's our speciality - covered with darkest creamy 
chocolate. When you pop it into your mouth steel bolts spring out and 
plunge straight through both cheeks.
Praline
Well where's the pleasure in that? If people place a nice chocky in 
their mouth, they don't want their cheeks pierced. In any case this is 
an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to 
accompany me to the station.
Milton
(getting up from the desk and being led away) It's a fair cop.
Praline
Stop talking to the camera.
Milton
I'm sorry.
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