ATD vs. V.? Overcoding or metaphor?

[Glenn Scheper]

> What can I do in order to have and remember dreams like that?

An acute psychosis is a good start.
Mine was triggered by autofellatio,
but they said it was toxic, due to
pot use while on an MAO inhibitor.
(The MAOI was from a GP, after he
consulted his desk tome. I saw him
for an injury from a rubber band,
while falling asleep in autogenic
relaxation I learned from a French
SciFi mag, Omni. The first time I
tried hot and heavy, in a pension
in Europe, it had been so dazzling.
My mom spent the evening in another
room with an American girl who knew
bridge we met on the train talking
about how the Italians were crooks.
She came to her door next morning
in her negligee, but I saw nothing.

A few years of manic-depression aka
bipolar disorder aka schizo-affective
disorder gave me looser associations
than any course in metaphors, and
dysfunctional magical thinking.
>From an unspoken "Hi" due to my still
neurotic shyness, idea followed idea
until paranoia brought on catatonia.
The inability to fall asleep whole
nights was itself a worry til dawn.

For no particular reason, I took up
the mantra O, imagining I was humming
and hearing it, although I was quiet.
I found that whenever imagining that,
boobs hung out of blouses everywhere.
(Somebody try, tell me if it is so.)

What reason? Carlos Castenada? The Tao?
Just reading the Tao, like some forbidden
passion, could turn me crazy, hospitalized.

Lying awake all night turned to lying
awake motionless, erect, attentive all
night. I learned it's best to limit
attention to a single tantric target.

The meditations brought on irruptions
into the universe, step-changes in an
ordinary day, turning suddenly erotic.
- But prior to the time of meditation!
Clearly a retropsychosomething effect.

Upon realizing that the irruptions are
a sign of later AF, I payed attention
to observe everything at each time of
their occurrence. No doubt intentions
weighed heavily due to projection and
projective identification.

When I recognized the four horsemen
colors matched the bra or pap colors
of four whores back in my Army days,
I began matching up data, 30 yrs now.

So I left out a lifetime of details.

Good luck!


Last Thursday, following leaving the
house of continual haranguing a while,
at Home Depot the self checkout money
dispenser jammed. And I'm just minding
my own business, but the girl's been
awhile on her knees before me, bobbing
around and pushing back her long hair,
until I realized: This is a blow job!
I look down her back, kind of detached,
cuz of it's association with Thyatira,
Death. But she changes position to a
classic cow pose (standing bent over)
and I become more attentive. All Hell
breaks loose at home, and I leave for
good a while. In subsequent meditation
I see she leapt upon me from kneeling.
But in the second form, I am trying to
cover her vulva with my mouth, and see
the end of an ear of corn reciprocating
therein. My name is called: Baal! and
then Typhon! (or some name with a T).
Note to self: check correlation to the
bottomless pit, Abaddon and Apollyon.

These are timeless universal metaphors.
No doubt Pynchon farms the same field.

Yours truly,
Glenn Scheper
http://home.earthlink.net/~glenn_scheper/
glenn_scheper + at + earthlink.net
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