A Screaming Wins the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2009

[John Bailey]

Ah, "Living With Crazy Buttocks" was actually written by a much-loved
author from my town.

On Thu, Jul 9, 2009 at 12:00 PM, Page<page at quesnelbc.com> wrote:
> And then there is the lesser-known Diagram Prize for the oddest title of the
> year. A key difference between the Bulwer-Lytton Contest and the Diagram
> Prize is that Diagram titles must be titles of books that have been, or will
> be, published.
>
> My fave: How People Who Don't Know They're Dead Attach Themselves to
> Unsuspecting Bystanders and What to Do About It.
>
> http://www.writersservices.com/mag/07/m_diagram_prize_2006_sht.htm
>
> Page
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Robin Landseadel"
> <robinlandseadel at comcast.net>
> To: <pynchon-l at waste.org>
> Sent: Wednesday, July 08, 2009 1:23 PM
> Subject: A Screaming Wins the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest 2009
>
>
>> The winner of 2009 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is David
>> McKenzie, a 55-year-old Quality Systems consultant and writer
>> fromFederal Way, Washington. A contest recidivist, he has
>> formerly won the Western and Children's Literature categories.
>>
>> David McKenzie is the 27th grand prize winner of the contest
>> that began at San Jose State University in 1982.
>>
>> An international literary parody contest, the competition honors
>> the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward
>> George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest
>> is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad
>> opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known
>> for "The Last Days of Pompeii" (1834), which has been made
>> into a movie three times, originating the expression "the pen is
>> mightier than the sword," and phrases like "the great
>> unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," Bulwer-Lytton opened his
>> novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that the
>> "Peanuts" beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, "It was a dark
>> and stormy night."
>>
>> Most entries are submitted electronically through the Contest's
>> Web site: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/.
>>
>> David McKenzie's winning entry:
>>
>> "Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full
>> moon, when the wind is blowin' off Nantucket Sound from the
>> nor' east and the dogs are howlin' for no earthly reason, you
>> can hear the awful screams of the crew of the "Ellie May," a
>> sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just
>> such a night when the rum was flowin' and, Davey Jones be
>> damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of
>> several screaming contests."
>>
>> My fave:
>>
>> The dame sauntered silently into Rocco's office, but she didn't
>> need to speak; the blood-soaked gown hugging her ample
>> curves said it all: "I am a shipping heiress whose second
>> husband was just murdered by Albanian assassins trying to
>> blackmail me for my rare opal collection," or maybe, "Do you
>> know a good dry cleaner?"
>>
>> http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2009.htm
>>
>
>
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