What Thomas Pynchon Took

[Joe Allonby]

J.D. Salinger took my Mini Cooper. It's an S model, 6-speed, dark blue.

I could use a sunburst Les Paul Deluxe to replace the one that
disappeared after Stephen King got loaded on my sofa and left in the
morning without saying goodbye. I could also use help paying to have
the leather and throw pillows cleaned because of the stains from the
"Just for Men" in his beard.

I'm completely convinced that it was Barbara Kingsolver who picked my
iphone up off the bar at the Brendan Behan pub and walked out with it.
I think she was with Patrick Stewart.

I think Peter Benchley has my 19' center-console sportfisherman. 150hp
outboard please. Fishing rods a plus. You can have it delivered to the
dock of the beach house on Nantucket that Henry Louis Gates stole from
me. He keeps shouting "This is MY house!" and orders me off of the
porch.

I'll never get back the lawn mower that I lent to Jim Carroll.

Tom Brady stole my girlfriend.

Dennis Lehane owes me two rounds of drinks and half a sausage and onion pizza.

I haven't seen my beagle since Amy Tan came over for dinner. Her name
is Molly and I miss her even though she is loud and likes to shake
things until they are dead.

Some guy in Roslindale in is possession of a red  '69 Shelby Cobra
GT500K in mint condition. It's mine! I want it!

I can't find my garlic press. Jared Diamond, I'm looking at you!

If you can help me with any of these things, please contact me off
list. I'll say something nice about you.

On Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 10:14 PM, Dave Monroe
<against.the.dave at gmail.com> wrote:
> http://boilsomewater.wordpress.com/what-thomas-pynchon-took/
>
> http://carnytown.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/the-things-that-thomas-pynchon-took/
>