Re: Bad Sex in Fiction Award Won by Huston Novel ‘Infrared’

[David Morris]

I think *The Quiddity of Will Self should have won.*


On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 8:22 AM, Johnny Marr <marrja at gmail.com> wrote:

> And the runners up (there can be no losers in this awards ceremony)
> *
> The Quiddity of Will Self - Sam Mills*
>
> oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, Will, oh, yes, oh, semen-bedizened
> blood-pusillanimous bed onanistic quiddity fulcrating pelvic thrusts smoke
> thick typewriter’s click-clack-click Will Our Cock is Spent screaming
> loving Will is pleased Will is Saved I have done it I have done I am the
> Chosen One I am his Chosen One oh Will for ever I am yours for ever I am
> yours for ever I am
> *
> Noughties - Ben Masters*
>
> We got up from the chair and she led me to her elfin grot, getting amongst
> the pillows and cool sheets. We trawled each other’s bodies for every inch
> of history. I dug after what I had always imagined and came up with even
> more
> *
> Back to Blood - Tom Wolfe*
>
> But then the tips of her breasts became erect on their own, and the flood
> in her loins washed morals, despair, and all other abstract assessments
> away in a cloud of some sort of divine cologne of his. Now his big
> generative jockey was inside her pelvic saddle, riding, riding, riding, and
> she was eagerly swallowing it swallowing it swallowing it with the saddle’s
> own lips and maw
> *
> Rare Earth - Paul Mason*
>
> He switched to some ancient steppe language as he ejaculated, blubbering
> and incoherent. Chun-li faked an orgasm, keeping her mind focused on an
> eighth-century lyric of sadness, and her face still as a lake in winter.
> Khünbish collapsed below the neck of the horse, where he clung now, like a
> forlorn circus rider, as the steppe cacophony segued seamlessly into the
> kind of trickling-stream-plus-birdsong music they play in mental hospitals
> to calm things down
>
> *The Yips - Nicola Barker
>
> *He knows her body now, even tightly sheathed and slippery as it is; a
> ripe, red plum, its yellow flesh pressing out against the smooth arc of its
> cool, fragrant skin. He understands the basic groundwork, has visited the
> orchard like a hungry finch, has gorged on the fruit and rejected the pips,
> has explored the geography
>
> *The Adventuress: The Irresistible Rise of Miss Cath Fox - Nicholas
> Coleridge
>
> *In seconds, the duke had lowered his trousers and boxers and positioned
> himself across a leather steamer trunk, emblazoned with the royal arms of
> Hohenzollern Castle. ‘Give me no quarter,’ he commanded. ‘Lay it on with
> all your might.’ Cath did as she was told, swishing the twigs hard onto the
> royal bottom
>
> *The Divine Comedy - Craig Raine
>
> *And he came. Like a wubbering springboard. His ejaculate jumped the
> length of her arm. Eight diminishing gouts. The first too high for her to
> lick. Right on the shoulder.
>
>
>
>
> Kudos to Masters for inserting a Keats reference.
>
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