Paracultural Calender for April 21

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *753 BC*, those bitch-tit-sucking twins *Romulus* and
*Remus* found
Rome. "Empire" ensues.

*****

On this day in *1519*, Spanish conquistador *Hernán Cortés* lands in
Veracruz, on the east coast of Mexico, where he is greeted by the large
native population. Things go about as well for those poor devils as yer old
pal Jerky suspects it will go for us when the aliens – or extra-dimensional
Archons, or whatever the fuck they really are – finally decide to stop
pussyfooting around and initiate contact with someone other than
gasoline-huffing NyQuil addicts from Squalor, East Virginia.

*****

On this day in *1863*, in Persia, the founder of the Baha'i faith –
*Bahaullah* – declares his mission as "He Whom God shall make Manifest".
Baha'i is an interesting faith, with an interesting history. I'm not
suggesting it was created by shadowy elites as a more progressive, rational
alternative to the "religions of the book" that emerged from Antiquity.
However, if a shadowy elite wanted to create a more progressive, rational
alternative to the "religions of the book" in order to control the
masses... that faith would most certainly look an awful lot like *Baha'i
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baha%27i#United_Nations>*.

*****

On this day in *1934*, the "Surgeon's Photograph", the most famous photo
allegedly showing the *Loch Ness Monster*, is published in the *Daily Mail*.
In 1999, the photo is purportedly revealed to be a “fake” and a “hoax”.
However, many *serious questions
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surgeon%27s_photograph#.22Surgeon.27s_Photograph.22_.281934.29>*
remain
about this supposed “debunking”. For instance, how would the hoaxers have
known to make their “fake” monster look exactly like so many other
photographs of lake monsters that would follow in their footsteps?

*****

On this day in *1966*, Ethiopian Emperor *Haile Selassie* visits Jamaica,
an event now celebrated as "Grounation Day". Jamaica's Rasta believers
considered Selassie - traditionally seen as a descendant of the Queen of
Sheba and King Solomon - to be the prophesied *Second Coming of Christ*...
the Messiah. They still do. But during his first visit to Jamaica, over a
hundred thousand Rasta descended on the airport, smoking "spliffs" and
"chalices", creating both a cloud of marijuana smoke and a human crush so
dense that Selassie refused to de-plane. Eventually Rasta representatives
climbed aboard to meet with Selassie, then emerged and instructed the
crowds to be respectful and move back, which they did. The rest of his
visit went smoothly.

*****

On this day in the year *1986*, intrepid sleuth *Geraldo Rivera* cracks
open *Al Capone*'s vault on national TV and finds ABSOLUTELY NOTHING,
forever cementing the nation’s opinion of him as a first-class boob.

*****

On this day in *1994*, astronomer *Alexander Wolszczan* announces the first
ever discovery of extra-solar planets. As of early 2013, astronomers have
catalogued over 800 such planets, including a few potentially earth-like
ones.
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