PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR APRIL 28

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1192*, two *hashshashin* ambush and stab to death the
Frankish Crusader *Conrad of Montferrat*, who had just been elected King of
Jerusalem three days prior. Although his murderers belong to the ostensibly
Islamic Nizari Ismaili cult, historians believe that they were most likely
in the employ of jealous *rival Crusaders
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conrad_of_Montferrat>*. It’s all rather
complicated.

*****

On this day in *1945*, *Benito Mussolini* and his mistress are shot dead by
Italian partisans. Their bloating, fly-blown corpses were left hanging
upside-down from the rafters of a gas station for days. The old ladies of
Milan were all impressed by the fact that *Il Duce*'s corpse remained
suspended even after that of his mistress had fallen, succumbing to a
gruesome combination of gravity and decay. By comparison, the old ladies
agreed that Mussolini was *very well hung*, indeed.

*****

On this day in *1947*, explorer/scientist/adventurer *Thor Heyerdahl*,
along with five crew mates, sets out from Peru on the *Kon-Tiki
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kon_tiki>* – a ship made using only
“prehistoric technology” – to prove that Peruvian natives could have
settled Polynesia. Interestingly, the *latest theories
<http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/8582150/Kon-Tiki-explorer-was-partly-right-Polynesians-had-South-American-roots.html>*
backed
up by DNA testing seem to back Heyerdahl’s thesis only a little bit, and
contradict him in other spots.

*****

On this day in *1994*, former *CIA* counter-intelligence officer and
analyst *Aldrich Ames* pleads guilty to giving U.S. secrets to the Soviet
Union and later, Russia. His betrayals led to the exposure (and often the
liquidation) of more agents working behind the Iron Curtain than those of
any other spy in US history, with possible exception of *Robert Hanssen*.

*****

On this day in *1996*, Australian *Martin Bryant* goes on a shooting
rampage in Port Arthur, Tasmania, killing 35 people and seriously injuring
21 more. Giving rise to a number of conspiracy theories about “gun
grabbers” by many right wing commentators, the Port Arthur Massacre was
Australia’s *Sandy Hook*, just as Sandy Hook was America’s *Dunblane*, and
Dunblane was Scotland’s… um… *Port Arthur Massacre*? Yeah, I guess that
works. And so it’s all come full circle. It’s the *Circle of Death!*
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