Paracultural Calendar for Feb 21

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1808*, without a previous declaration of war, Russian
troops cross the border to Sweden at Abborfors in eastern Finland, thus
beginning the Finnish war, in which Sweden will lose the eastern half of
the country (Finland) to Russia.

***

On this day in *1828*, the first American Indian newspaper debuts. A
weekly, Georgia's *Cherokee Phoenix* is mostly remembered for its boring
comics page, which consisted exclusively of stick figure men chucking
spears at crudely drawn buffalo.

***

On this day in *1848*, *Karl Marx* and *Friedrich Engels* publish *The
Communist Manifesto*.

***

On this day in *1878*, the first telephone book is issued in New Haven,
Connecticut.

***

On this day in *1885*, the *Washington Monument* is formally dedicated in
honor of America's first president, *George Washington*. At the time, the
555-foot obelisk was the tallest man-made structure in the world, and is
still the tallest structure in the nation's capital, by decree of law. Some
trouble-makers claim the majestic, *masonic*
<http://www.hicohost.com/tejon104/dirofstn.html> structure looks like a big
white cock, but yer old pal Jerky thinks it looks more like... um... a big
white cock with a little pyramid where the glans should be, I guess.

***

On this day in *1887*, the first US bacteriology laboratory opens in
Brooklyn, New York. Bacteriological research ensues.

***

On this day in *1925*, the first issue of smart-set fave *The New Yorker
Magazine* is published, to the flutter of dainty, white-gloved applause.
Unfortunately, The New Yorker rarely if ever publishes any information real
New Yorkers can use, like how to survive a Central Park swarming, or which
cab companies employ the least "disgruntled" foreigners.

***

On this day in *1947*, inventor *E.H. Land* demonstrates the first ever
"instant developing" camera in New York, forever changing the way modern
man hunts beavers.

***

On this day in *1948*, *NASCAR* is incorporated. Chaos ensues.

***

On this day in *1958*, the peace symbol, commissioned by *Campaign for
Nuclear Disarmament* in protest against the Atomic Weapons Research
Establishment, is designed and completed by*Gerald Holtom*. Of course,
conservative movementarians and Dark Christians *claim
<http://www.teachpeace.com/peacesymbolhistory.htm>* the symbol is "Satanic".

***

On this day in *1965*, *Malcolm X* is assassinated at the Audubon Ballroom
in New York City by members of the Nation of Islam.

***

On this day in *1973*, over the Sinai Desert, Israeli fighter aircraft
shoot down Libyan Arab Airlines Flight 114 jet killing 108.

***

On this day in *1988*, his squinty eyes pouring crocodile tears,
televangelist *Jimmy Swaggart* goes before his sheep-like tele-congregation
and screams: "I have sinned against you!" This is because the big phony had
been caught paying some loathsome Baton Rouge gutter-skank to do a little
dance and finger her cooze while he watched and pulled his anatomy.
Swaggart's mea culpa was halfhearted at best, however, as he was soon
caught with yet another prostitute. To this day, Swaggart continues to
preach.

***

On this day in *1991*, the USSR announces that Iraq has agreed to a
proposal to end the *Gulf War*. The USG calls the plan unacceptable,
because they hadn't killed enough Iraqis yet.
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