On This Day in ParaCultural History for Jan 3

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1521*, rabble-rousing religious reformer *Martin Luther* is
excommunicated from the Catholic Church, thus sparking the rise of the
Protestant Heresy and putting into motion an inexorable chain of spiritual,
political and intellectual cataclysms that would lead to the election
of *George
Dubya Bush* and, ultimately, the Apocalypse.

***

On this day in *1870*, construction of the Brooklyn Bridge begins.

***

Despite the fact that the passageway leading to it was clearly labeled
"Death Shall Come on Swift Wings To Him Who Disturbs the Peace of the
King," on this day in *1924*, British Egyptologist *Howard Carter* was the
first modern man to lay eyes upon - then open - the sarcophagus of young *King
Tutankhamun*. By 1929, eleven people connected with the discovery of the
Tomb had died young, and of unnatural causes. *[Cue Twilight Zone music
here! - Jerky]*

***

*Happy Fascism Day!* It was on this day in *1925* that *Benito
Mussolini* announced
he was taking dictatorial powers over Italy.

***

On this day in *1932*, martial law is declared in Honduras to stop a revolt
by banana workers fired by the *United Fruit Company*.

***

On this day in *1938*, the March of Dimes is established by President *Franklin
D. Roosevelt*.

***

On this day in *1959*, the great state of Alaska is welcomed into the
union. After sulking for a few years, those testy Texans eventually recover
from the humiliation of no longer being citizens of the biggest state on
the block, salving their bruised egos with that old stand-by "size don't
matter none." Which, of course, is a lie.

***

On this day in *1961*, the United States severs diplomatic relations with
Cuba. One year later, on this day in 1962, *Pope John XXIII*
excommunicates *Fidel
Castro*.

***

On this day in *1977*, Apple Computer is incorporated. Now everybody's
taking a bite.

***

On this day in *1990*, former leader of Panama *Manuel Noriega* surrenders
to American forces.

***

On this day in *1994*, more than seven million people from the former
Apartheid Homelands receive South African citizenship. And they all lived
happily ever after.

***

On this day in *2000*, the last original weekday *Peanuts* comic strip is
published roughly two and a half decades after the last original weekday
Peanuts comic strip SHOULD have been published. Aw, don't mind me. I'm just
grumpy that MY comic strips didn't reach the empyrean heights of *Charlie
Brown* and the gang.
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