Paracultural Calendar for Jan 13

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1695*, *Gulliver's Travels* author *Jonathan Swift* is
ordained as an Anglican priest in Ireland. Thirty-four years later, he
would write the greatest satire of all time; an essay suggesting the
British government urge the Irish to kill, cook and *eat their young*. He
remains one of yer old pal Jerky's very favorite people.

***

On this day in *1842*, *Dr. William Brydon*, an assistant surgeon in the
British East India Company Army during the First Anglo-Afghan War, becomes
famous for being the sole survivor of an army of 4,500 men and 12,000 camp
followers when he reaches the safety of a garrison in Jalalabad,
Afghanistan.

***

On this day in *1863*, plumber *Thomas Crapper* pioneers the one-piece
pedestal flushing toilet. You probably think this is an urban myth, but
apparently, *it's truer* than anything *Colin Powell *ever said about
Iraq's WMD.

***

On this day in *1874*, US troops land in Honolulu to protect the King.
Within a couple decades, it was ALL OURS, baby! Our own little slice o'
pineapple producing paradise! Sun, surf, sand and sweet Polynesian honeys…
now *that's* an imperialistic land-grab yer old pal Jerky can get down with!

***

 On this day in *1888*, the *National Geographic Society* is founded.
Interracial masturbation ensues.

***

On this day in *1898*, Frenchman *Emile Zola* publishes the most important
and influential *op-ed piece* of all time… *“J’Accuse!”*, exposing the
details of the Dreyfus Affair.

***

On this day in *1953*, an article appears in *Pravda* accusing some of the
most prestigious and prominent doctors, mostly Jews, in the Soviet Union of
taking part in a vast plot to poison members of the top Soviet political
and military leadership.

***

On this day in *1957*, the Wham-O Company produces the first *Frisbee*.
Dogs, hippies and sandal-wearing European exchange students rejoice.

***

On this day in *1968*, country music pioneer *Johnny Cash* performs live at
Folsom State Prison in a concert that immediately cements Cash's legend
forever thereafter. Meanwhile, in Vietnam, the *Tet Offensive* begins.

***

On this day in *2012*, the passenger cruise ship *Costa Concordia* sinks
off the coast of Italy. There are 31 confirmed deaths with one still
missing, *Russel Rebello*, amongst the 4232 passengers and crew.
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