Paracultural Calendar for Jan 28

[Mark Thibodeau]

On this day in *1099*, the first wave of Christian Crusaders begin their
siege of Hosn-el-Akrad, in Syria. It's rough going in the early days, but
everything works out fine in the end.

***

On this day in *1495*, after asking himself "WWJD?", the Pope hands over
his son -- Cesare Borgia -- to the French, as a hostage. That was back in
the day when Popes were allowed to fuck. Faith Based Family Values in
action!

***

On this day in *1547*, *Edward VI* becomes King of England at a mere 9
years of age. Refusing to be outdone by a bunch of turnip-munchers, the
Swedish promptly drown their own King in a septic pit. Adhering to the
strictures of primogenital succession, that meant the crown passed on to
the dead King's eldest son, who was still weeks away from being born at the
time. Unfortunately, tragedy strikes during the coronation ceremony, when
the Queen dies of massive internal bleeding.

***

 On this day in *1915*, President *Woodrow Wilson* refuses to prohibit the
immigration of illiterates. The ongoing consequences of Woody's
short-sightedness were brought into sharp relief during the presidential
election of 2004.

***

On this day in *1953*, a chimp by the name of *J Fred Muggs* joins the
on-air staff of NBC's *Today Show*. That was back in the days when
journalistic standards actually meant something. Nowadays, they pretty much
let any idiot appear on the telly. See *Bill O'Reilly*, *Joe Scarborough*
 and *Sean Hannity* for proof of that.
***

On this day in *1981*, President *Ronald Reagan* appoints *William J. Casey* as
the 13th director of the CIA. He serves with distinction until 1987, when
he dies of a brain tumor two days before his scheduled testimony before the
Senate in regards to the Iran/Contraaffair. Unlucky 13 strikes again!

***

 On this day in *1986*, at 11:38 a.m., the space shuttle Challenger
launches from Cape Canaveral, Florida, rising towards the frozen void on a
column of solid flame. Hitching a ride on board is high school teacher *Christa
McAuliffe*, the first civilian to ever go into outer space. Seventy-three
seconds after ignition, an O-ring fails to expand sufficiently,
precipitating a chain reaction that leads to the total destruction of the
multibillion-dollar vehicle and its crew of seven. Video footage of the
"major malfunction" served as the most impressive widescreen, real-life
special-effects tragedy since the *Kennedy* assassination twenty-three
years earlier. Such video gravitas was not felt again until 9-11-2001,
which swallowed the memory of Columbia whole, in its awesome and growing
shadow.
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