Paracultural Calendar for July 10 (make sure to check out the graphic up top)

[Mark Thibodeau]

<http://www.animationartwork.com/artwork/imagery/l.4-CC1237-Speechless-Deluxe.jpg>

On this day in *48 BC*, Roman dictator *Julius Caesar* barely avoids a
catastrophic defeat to *Pompey* in Macedonia during the Battle of
Dyrrhachium. The circumstances surrounding this battle were *phenomenally
complicated <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Dyrrhachium_(48_BC)>*.

***

On this day in *1212*, London burns to the ground. Thousands perish in the
blaze, which would be known as the Great Fire of London until *1666*, when
an even *bigger* fire came along to steal its thunder.

***

On this day in *1821*, the United States takes formal possession of
Florida, which had been recently purchased from Spain. Imagine how pissed
off they were when they got there and realized it was mostly swampland!

***

On this day in *1832*, US President *Andrew Jackson* vetoes a bill that
would re-charter the Second Bank of the United States. Failing to secure
recharter, the Second Bank became a private corporation in *1836*, and
underwent liquidation in *1841*.

***

On this day in *1890*, Wyoming is admitted as the 44th U.S. state, thus
paving the way for the possibility of Vice Preznit *Dick Cheney*. So to
Hell with Wyoming.

***

On this day in *1921*, 16 people are killed and 161 houses destroyed during
rioting and gun battles in Belfast, Northern Ireland in an event that will
forever be remembered in Ireland (and by *U2* fans curious enough to
research the meaning of certain song lyrics) as *Bloody Sunday*.

***

On this day in *1925* the so-called *Monkey Trial* begins in Dayton,
Tennessee. *John Scopes*, a young high school science teacher, is accused
of teaching his students *evolution*, which was a violation of Tennessee
law. He actually lost the case, which is ironic when you consider that
people in Tennessee are less evolved than the people in most other states.
And unless you've been there and seen for yourself, don't contradict me on
this.

***

On this day in *1925*, the guru *Meher Baba* begins his silence of 44
years. His followers observe Silence Day on this date in commemoration.

***

On this day in *1962*, the world's first communications satellite, called
*TELStar*, is launched into orbit. A pretty kick-ass guitar instrumental
ensues.

***

On this day in *1973*, filthy rich Illuminati bloodline scion *John Paul
Getty III*, grandson of the oil magnate *J. Paul Getty*, is kidnapped by
Calabrese gangsters in Rome, Italy. The whole ordeal - involving cheapskate
negotiation tactics by the elder Getty, even after the kidnappers cut off
and mailed in one of John Paul's ears - is rather insane, and you can read
all about it *here <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Paul_Getty_III>*.

***

On this day in *1985*, the *Greenpeace* vessel *Rainbow Warrior* is bombed
and sunk in Auckland harbor by "elite" French military agents, killing
Portuguese photographer *Fernando Pereira* in the process. It is the French
military's *finest hour
<http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinking_of_the_Rainbow_Warrior>* since the
days of *Napoleon*.

***

On this day in *1985*, after a mere three months of sticking to their guns,
the *Coca-Cola Company* announces they will be bringing back *Coca-Cola
Classic*, in what many take to be a full-blown admission that the decision
to change the Coca-Cola recipe - sparking a nationwide Coca-Cola hoarding
crisis - was sheer idiocy, regardless of what they paid *Bill Cosby* to say
about it on the TV. *New Coke*, which was sold alongside Coca-Cola Classic
for a while, was soon euthanized without fanfare... or hoarding.

***

On this day in *1989*, one of the most familiar voices in the world -
dozens of them, actually - is silenced when Warner Bros. cartoon veteran *Mel
Blanc* dies at the age of 81. The next day, in the trade paper *Variety*,
some true gentleman at Warner Bros. takes out a two-page/one-word
tribute/eulogy for their old friend, an image which to this day is capable
of turning yer old pal Jerky into a blubbering, snot-bubble-popping wreck.
I don't know why... it just gets me every time. It is reproduced above.
Enjoy.

***

On this day in *1992*, President *George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush* has
one of his many CIA criminal co-conspirators, former Panamanian leader *Manuel
Noriega*, locked up for 40 years on drug and racketeering charges. It's a
wonder he didn't end up dead, when you think about it. Hey, hold on a
second… has anybody checked his cell lately? Maybe old Manuel is kickin'
back, sipping boat drinks with *Ken Lay* on that fortified Costa Rican
compound where *The Powers That Be* send all their invisible heavies these
days.

***

On this day in *2000*, 250 villagers in Nigeria are killed in a massive
fireball explosion while scavenging gasoline from a cracked petroleum
pipeline. Don't laugh... the way gas prices are going, you'll be doing the
same thing soon enough.
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