Paracultural Calendar for July 15

[Mark Thibodeau]

<http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Observer/Pix/pictures/2011/7/6/1309966768801/-John-Walker-Lindh-007.jpg>

On this day in *1149*, the reconstructed Church of the Holy Sepulchre is
consecrated in Jerusalem.

***
On this day in *1741*, Russian explorer *Aleksei Chirikov* sights land in
Southeast Alaska. He sends men ashore in a longboat, making them the first
Europeans to visit Alaska.

***

On this day in *1799*, French military captain *Pierre-Francois
Bouchard* discovers
the *Rosetta Stone* in an Egyptian village. The large stone tablet is
essentially a Greek/Egyptian translation dictionary using three scripts:
Hieroglyphic, Demotic Egyptian and Greek. Greek being relatively well
understood, the stone was the key to deciphering ancient Egyptian
hieroglyphs, including such rules of grammar as "feather before squiggly
line, except after bird."

***

On this day in *1869*, everybody's third-favorite toast spread – margarine
– is patented in Paris, for use as a butter substitute by the French Navy.
It is neither healthier, nor is it better tasting, than butter, but it does
serve nicely as an inexpensive lubricant for anal sex. How ironic, then,
that it should be made with "rape seed oil."

***

On this day in *1964*, Republicans nominate arch-conservative, extremist
Arizona senator *Barry M. Goldwater* for president, thus ensuring the
election of Texas Democrat *Lyndon B. Johnson* by one of the widest margins
in electoral history.

***

On this day in *1974*, Ohio morning news personality *Christine Chubbuck* goes
on the air and says: "In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you
the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see
another first: an attempted suicide." She then pulled a .38 revolver out
from underneath her desk, put it to her head and pulled the trigger, thus
becoming the first person to commit live, publicly broadcast suicide.

***

On this day in *1979*, US President *Jimmy Carter* gives his so-called
malaise speech, where he characterizes the greatest threat to the country
as "this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and
in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation". Funny thing about that
speech, not once does he use the word “malaise”.

***

On this day in *1983*, a terrorist attack is launched by Armenian militant
organization ASALA at the Paris-Orly Airport in Paris, leaving 8 people
dead and 55 injured. That’s right, Armenians! Betcha didn’t think they had
it in ‘em!

***

*Preznit Dubya*'s "Total Information Awareness" guru *John Poindexter* –
the biggest Big Brother yet – spent this day in 1987 telling lies to the
Congress during the Iran-Contra hearings. He would ultimately be convicted
of conspiracy, lying to Congress, defrauding the government, and destroying
evidence in the still poorly-understood
guns-for-drugs-for-hostages-for-blood scheme dreamed up in the White House
basement during the Glorious Reign of *Ronald, the Reagan*.

***

On this day in *1997*, in Miami, Florida, serial killer *Andrew Cunanan* guns
down world-famous fashion designer *Gianni Versace* outside his home.

***

On this day in *2002*, so-called "American Taliban" *John Walker Lindh* pleads
guilty to supplying aid to the enemy and to possession of explosives during
the commission of a felony. Meanwhile, in Pakistan, an anti-terrorism court
hands down the death sentence to British born *Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh* and
life terms to three others suspected of the videotaped beheading of Wall
Street Journal reporter *Daniel Pearl*.

***

On this day in *2003*, AOL Time Warner disbands Netscape. The Mozilla
Foundation is established on the same day.
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