PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR SEPT 3

[Mark Thibodeau]

<http://i.ytimg.com/vi/I1xlOHJ8dag/hqdefault.jpg>

On this day in *1752*, absolutely nothing happened because this day doesn't
exist. And neither do the next 10 days. You see, when the English-speaking
world decided to adopt the Gregorian Calendar (which we're still using
today), all the days between the 3rd and the 14th of September had to be
skipped, in order to catch up. People were so freaked out -- believing the
government had stolen part of their lives somehow -- that there was rioting
in the streets. Thankfully, in these more enlightened days of ours,
sparking such violent unrest takes something serious. Say, an event on the
magnitude of the home team's failure to secure a win in the big game.

***
On this day in *301*, San Marino, one of the smallest nations in the world
and the world's oldest republic still in existence, is founded by *Saint
Marinus*.

***

On this day in *1189*, *Richard I* of England (a.k.a. Richard "the
Lionheart") is crowned at Westminster.

***

On this day in *1260*, the Mamluks defeat the Mongols at the Battle of Ain
Jalut in Palestine, marking their first decisive defeat and the point of
maximum expansion of the Mongol Empire... it was the breaking of the wave,
as they say.

***

On this day in *1777*, during the Battle of Cooch's Bridge, the Flag of the
United States is flown in battle for the first time.

***

On this day in *1838*, future abolitionist *Frederick Douglass* escapes
from slavery.

***

On this day in *1855*, in Nebraska, 700 soldiers under United States
General *William S. Harney* avenge the Grattan Massacre by attacking a
Sioux village and killing 100 men, women and children.

***

On this day in *1875*, the first official game of Polo is played in
Argentina after being introduced by British Ranchers. Overpriced cologne
and ugly shirts ensue.

***

On this day in *1878*, over 640 die when the crowded pleasure boat Princess
Alice collides with the Bywell Castle in the River Thames.

***

On this day in *1935*, *Sir Malcolm Campbell* reaches a speed of 304.331
miles per hour on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah, becoming the first
person to drive an automobile over 300 mph

***

On this day in *1941*, Nazi soldier *Karl Fritzsch*, deputy camp commandant
of the Auschwitz concentration camp, experiments with the use of Zyklon B
in the gassing of Soviet POWs.

***

On this day in *1944*, diarist *Anne Frank* and her family are placed on
the last transport train from the Westerbork transit camp to the Auschwitz
concentration camp, arriving three days later.

***

On this day in the year *1978*, Pope *John Paul I *is officially installed
as 264th supreme pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church. Unfortunately for
the evil pricks that hand-picked him, John Paul turned out to be smarter
and more principled than anyone could have guessed. Right away, he made it
his goal to sever all ties between the notorious *Sindona and Calvi* families
and the Vatican Bank, running him afoul of such avoid-at-all-costs
organizations as *P2, Opus Dei and the mafia*. He also made it clear that
he would be using his Papal bully pulpit to revise the Church's stance on
birth control, pissing off the ultra-conservative College of Cardinals. To
people who knew what was going on at the time, John Paul's death -- only a
month after his assumption of the Papacy -- was no surprise at all.

***

On this day in *1967*, people in Sweden begin driving on the right-hand
side of road. Chaos ensues.

***

On this day in *2004*, the three-day *Beslan school hostage crisis* ends
with the deaths of over 300 people, more than half of which are children.
Anti-Chechen rage boils over throughout Russia.
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