PARACULTURAL CALENDAR FOR SEPTEMBER 4

[Mark Thibodeau]

 <http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01299/geronimo_1299302c.jpg>

After 30 years spent fighting the white man who had invaded his homeland,
legendary Apache *Geronimo *finally surrendered in Arizona on this day in
*1886*. The fierce, vengeance-driven warrior's surrender was peaceful, as
he simply looked at the numbers, weighed the odds and decided that further
resistance was futile.

Between his surrender and the time of his death, twenty three years would
pass. In those years, Geronimo - whose Apache name was *Goyalkla* - served
time in jail, then moved to Oklahoma, converted to Christianity, farmed a
homestead, and occasionally worked for the United States Army as a scout.

At the dawning of the 20th century, during those final, dying days of the
"frontier" West, a great nostalgia was already brewing for those "simpler"
times and the binary ethics they necessitated. Already aware that the
ferocity of Geronimo's early career was partly due to the massacre of his
wife and children by Mexican soldiers, the American public showed
themselves willing to forgive his role in the killings of hundreds of white
settlers, militiamen, and cavalry. In his old age, he made a good living
touring world's fairs, and he even rode in President *Theodore Roosevelt*'s
inaugural parade in 1905. He died in 1909.

In 1918, less than ten years after his death, Geronimo's skull was stolen
from its tomb during a *grave-robbing expedition*
<http://www.pa56.org/skullandbones.htm> by *Prescott Bush* -
*Nazi-bankrolling*
<http://www.baltech.org/lederman/bush-nazi-fortune-2-09-02.html> father to
"41" and grandfather to "43" - as a morale-boosting stunt for the *Skull
and Bones Society* he belonged during his time at Yale.

***

On this day in the year *1618*, a massive avalanche destroys the entire
town of Plurs, Switzerland, leaving 1,500 dead. On the plus side, the
snow-packed corpses couldn't rot, so they were real easy to handle during
the recovery operation.

***

On this day in *1988*, heavyweight boxing champ and noted cannibal-rapist *Mike
Tyson* crashes his silver BMW into a tree, then beats the sap out of it.

***

Congratulations and Happy Birthday to *Nyota Uhura*, born in Nairobi, Kenya
on this day in *2179*! Uhura would eventually become the first black female
communications officer to serve in *Starfleet*, manning the helm of the
legendary *Starship Enterprise* (NC-17740), where she managed to avoid the
priapic advances of the equally legendary Starship *Captain James T. Kirk*!
***

On this day in *1972*, American swimmer *Mark Spitz* becomes the first
athlete to win seven Olympic gold medals during a single Olympics. What
most people don't know, however, is that two of those gold medals were
awarded to his sexy moustache!
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