Confessio Salmo

[Steelhead]

I, Steelhead, do swear on this battered copy of the Complete Poems of
Richard Hugo, that, to the best of my recollection, and notwithstanding any
defects of mind or body, of which there may be many, both superficial and
subterranean, the following statements are true, as far as I might, at this
time, know them to be:

I *never* attributed *any* of the following characteristics to one John
Mascaro, lecturer in writing, University of California, City of Angels:

1. That he is, was, or will ever be a professor of English.
2. That he is, was, or will ever be in an English Department.
3. That he is, was, or will ever be a professor.
4. That he ever committed mopery with the known literary criminal Harold Bloom.
5. That he was *not* a member of a union.
6. That he *was* a member of the MLA.
7. That he ever enjoyed the hard-earned luxury of a sabbatical.

To the above captioned charges, I plead: 100 percent not guilty!

I do, however, confess, under a crushing burden of guilt, to having made
the following mindless, emotional, and, yes, even childishly sadistic
assertions:

A. That Lecturer Mascaro's denunciation of a film by Orson (the Kenosha
Kid) Welles entitled Citizen Kane was "a moronic" opinion. John took this
more harshly than it was intended and I now regret and retract the crude
aside. The opinion of the learned man was not "moronic," since moronic
implies a kind of genetic defect for which there is little remedy except
patience, comfort and benign solicitude. Obviously, Mascaro's opinion on
the film was simply a matter of him being grossly misinformed, which
implies that in the hands of a sensitive instructor (which I readily admit
I am not) Mascaro is educable on the subject. My original word choice was
unfortunate, misleading, and perhaps even defamatory. I apologize.

B. That Lecturer Mascaro's assertion that "It's all a dead zone" made him
philosophically unfit to teach my children--or any others that may enter
college with a zestful, vibrant and utopian spirit. How do I explain
myself? Only by saying that I reacted instinctually to his unremittingly
bleak view of the world. When the troubadours of postmodernism hit that
phenomenological fork in the road (one leading to Heidigger and back to
Nietzsche; the other to Jameson, Gramsci and Adorno) some went left; many
others forked right. Perhaps, I mistakenly assumed that Mascaro's fatalism
was a sign that he had ventured far down the Heidigger Autobahn. Again this
is a terrible thing to say about someone, given the cruel overtones of
Martin H.'s work. I am contrite and apologetic. It will be noted, however,
that Mascaro did not defend his hip brand of pop nihilism, but, instead,
choose to attack my children as insufferable Creatures warped by their
insane Master, and then, like Pointsman before him, he grouped the innocent
offspring with other unfortunate urchins of parental neglect, constraint
and abuse, whom he has had the difficult assignment of instructing in the
past, into a classification of behavoiral abnormality, if you will, a
deformed "psychological type." To be sure, however, this does nothing to
obviate my own guilt, of which I am quite rightfully ashamed.

C. That Lecturer Mascaro, if ever elevated to the level of High Chancellor
at University, might require students (and their parents) to submit DNA
samples, detailed profiles of their breastfeeding and toilet training
habits, and undertake extensive standardized psychological testing (such as
the MMPI) as a prerequisite to admission. This was cheap and gratuitous
sniping, an accusation made without any foundation in fact or suspicion,
and really quite churlish of me.

D. That I did call Lecturer Mascaro "a bedizened Pynchon scholar." This was
a low blow and based on the evidence at hand probably far from the truth. I
have searched my lastest series of posts and can find no other personal
insult against the complaintant. If I have overlooked an unprovoked
transgression, I sincerely offer my regrets. I would, however, like to
voice one objection. While I am not one to censor any kind of speech, I do
find it curious that in his latest post the quite reasonably distraught
Mascaro hurled at me the racist opprobrium "Jackanape." This being the coup
de grace in a long line of personal invective (including: shit, fascist,
totalitarian, ass, insane, and liar.) Instead of being counselled to
moderate his language, Mascaro has received the encomiums of the
self-appointed guardians of civility and PC discourse. I guess Wayne Booth
would see the irony in this, even if I do not.

Signed on this the 65 day before the publication of Mason & Dixon:

Steelhead