Emulating Henry
MASCARO at humnet.ucla.edu
MASCARO at humnet.ucla.edu
Mon Feb 24 16:04:11 CST 1997
I have a buddy who as part of our complex relationship sends me jokes every week to
annoy/amuse me. Maybe I'll just start forwarding them? After all, there's humor in
Pynchon, right? Here's last week's batch.
john m
>
>Hi John:
>
>Here are the *best* of the jokes I've gotten this week:
>
>##############################################
>
> On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot
>strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where
>upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!" The
>stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets
>the coffee.
>
>When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass
>and bawls "And get me another whisky, stupid!" Quite upset, the
>girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
>Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's
>approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now
>before the one live brain cell that's left dies!"
>
>Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and
>thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging
>downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't
>fly, you're a gutsy guy!"
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
> A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth and the
>doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if
>they'd like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of
>childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the
>mother's burden.
>
> Well, they thought that was a good idea and decided to give it a
>try, so the doctor set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that
>even 10% was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But
>the man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked
>the doctor to raise it. So he put it up to 20% and when the man still
>felt fine, he raised it to 50% and finally 100%.
>
> After it was over, the man stood up and stretched a little. Both he
>and his wife felt fine. Later, when they took the baby home, they
>found the mailman dead on their doorstep.
>
>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>
> A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the
>alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make
>you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
>inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then
>open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for
>witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
>
> The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar,
>dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open
>mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a
>minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard
>on the top of its head.
>
> The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals -
>unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free
>drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another
>offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
>
> A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the
>back of the bar. A blond woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you
>have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
>
>
>
>
>
More information about the Pynchon-l
mailing list