Emulating Henry

MASCARO at humnet.ucla.edu MASCARO at humnet.ucla.edu
Mon Feb 24 16:04:11 CST 1997


I have a buddy who as part of our complex relationship sends me jokes every week to 
annoy/amuse me.  Maybe I'll just start forwarding them?  After all, there's humor in 
Pynchon, right?  Here's last week's batch.  

john m


>
>Hi John:
>
>Here are the *best* of the jokes I've gotten this week:
>
>##############################################
>
>  On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot 
>strapped in next to him.  He asks the stewardess for a coffee where 
>upon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!"  The 
>stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets 
>the coffee.
>
>When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass 
>and bawls "And get me another whisky,  stupid!"  Quite upset, the 
>girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. 
>Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's 
>approach, "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now 
>before the one live brain cell that's left dies!"
>
>Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and 
>thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.  Plunging 
>downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't 
>fly, you're a gutsy guy!"
>
>++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
>
>     A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth and the 
>doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if 
>they'd like to try it out. The machine could take some of the pain of 
>childbirth from the mother and give it to the father to ease the 
>mother's burden.
>
>     Well, they thought that was a good idea and decided to give it a 
>try, so the doctor set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that 
>even 10% was probably more pain than he'd ever experienced. But 
>the man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked 
>the doctor to raise it. So he put it up to 20% and when the man still 
>felt fine, he raised it to 50% and finally 100%.
>
>     After it was over, the man stood up and stretched a little. Both he 
>and his wife felt fine. Later, when they took the baby home, they 
>found the mailman dead on their doorstep.
>
>^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ 
>
> A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.  He puts the 
>alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.  "I'll make 
>you a deal.  I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals 
>inside.  Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then 
>open his mouth  and I'll remove my unit unscathed.  In return for 
>witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
>
>  The crowd murmured their approval.  The man stood up on the bar, 
>dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open 
>mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.  After a 
>minute, the  man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard 
>on the top of its head.
>
>  The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - 
>unscathed as promised.  The crowd cheered and the first of his free 
>drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another 
>offer.  "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
>
>  A hush fell over the crowd.  After a while, a hand went up in the 
>back of the bar.  A blond woman timidly spoke up.  "I'll try, but you 
>have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
>
>
>
>
>




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