(np) Engaging with the grammar in Marguerite Young's Debs bio

[peterthooper at juno.com]

"Twice on his way to the socialist state that should have its genesis in the utopias which this world should be when it was transformed from the present irrational to the rational state by man's brotherhood to man in a universal sense and without limit of creative possibilities here upon this Earth and not upon some other star beyond time beyond space Debs was cast into a prison cell by those who had on their side the pomp and power and glory of immediate circumstance.
(Page 3)

The thing that tickled here was "utopias which this world should be when it was transformed"

 "when it was transformed" has a seemingly unearned definiteness, "it was" - "it" is clear enough, despite being only 2 letters (the previous verbiage indicates "it" is this world, full of the possibilities that Pynchon also remarks for its accepting influence from brotherhood) but the "was" seems like it's trying to establish a position in a subjunctive future from which one could look back on utopias' sparking of the socialist gemeinschaft.

(Like that picnic in _Vineland_ where over crabcakes and wine the events at the student takeover were calmly discussed - except instead of the failure of the movement, the fortunate rememberers discuss its success)

The "was" isn't explicitly subjunctive enough, is it? You could just leave it out, and get "which this world would be when transformed" - what do you lose?

that wouldn't tickle, though, and maybe she wanted to tickle.

See what I mean about the commas, though?
____________________________________________________________
1 Cup (Before Bed) Burns Belly Fat Like Crazy!
worldhealthlabs.com
http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL3131/5cdb88c69f18e8c64883st02vuc